When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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