I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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