I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
