And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
50% drunk capacity currently
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
