before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
