i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you made out with another girl for some wings
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
