you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
