He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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