First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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