I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
