My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
