I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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