I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
