i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
