The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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