hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
