You're my little dorito
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
