Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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