Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
