My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
