3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
