I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
