U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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