Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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