I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
