and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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