Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
