I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
