the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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