People in love make me want to vomit
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
