It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
