a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
