I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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