He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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