i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i drank out of a bidet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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