My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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