I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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