I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
