He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's always time for handjobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
