I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
