I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
