I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.