god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that