just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
