like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.