There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
