This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
