I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize