who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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