It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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