he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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