remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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