rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
People in love make me want to vomit
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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