Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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