every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
time to smoke my breakfast
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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