last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
