I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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