Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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