he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
