I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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