Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
