He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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